Healthy breakfast

Mom always said breakfast was the most important meal of the day — and the research agrees. Study after study shows that breakfast boosts brainpower and helps to control cravings later in the day.

To see what a healthy breakfast looks like, we asked dozens of nutrition experts what they ate for breakfast and why. There are clear favorites — oatmeal and Greek yogurt — but everyone puts their unique spin on these traditional morning foods.

Hopefully these responses will inspire you.

Marisa Moore, MBA, RDN, LD 

eggs and avocadoBreakfast:Eggs with avocado and salsa in a soft corn tortilla, or oatmeal with nuts and fruit.

Why it’s good: The avocado not only adds creaminess, says Moore, but the fat increases the absorption of certain antioxidants, like lycopene, from the salsa. Salsa is also an original way to sneak in a serving of  vegetables. Oatmeal contains a type of fiber known as beta-glucan, which has been shown to help maintain healthy cholesterol and glucose levels, says Moore.

 Toby Smithson, RDN, LDN, CDE, author of „Diabetes Meal Planning and Nutrition for Dummies

Breakfast: 1/2 cup cooked oatmeal; 5 ounces plain Greek yogurt with sugar substitute, cinnamon, and three to six chopped whole almonds; freshly brewed tea.

Why it’s good: Smithson uses Greek yogurt for an extra boost of protein and prefers to add no-calorie flavorings like cinnamon. Nuts help maintain Smithson’s blood-glucose levels, which is important for managing her Type 1 diabetes.

{jb_greenbox}Vandana Sheth, RD, CDE {/jb_greenbox}

yogurt/berriesBreakfast: Nonfat Greek yogurt mixed with berries and a small handful of a whole-grain, high-fiber cereal; or steel-cut oatmeal cooked in soy milk with chia seeds, walnuts, cinnamon, and honey; or sautéed vegetables (onion, garlic, jalapeno, tomato, and spinach) topped with cubed tofu or shredded mozzarella cheese along with a slice of whole-grain toast.

Why it’s good: Sheth chooses a parfait when she’s in a hurry and needs something quick to go. She enjoys sautéed vegetables on relaxing weekend mornings and hot oatmeal on winter days.

{jb_greenbox}Kim Larson, RDN, CD, CSSD, owner of TotalHealthRD.com {/jb_greenbox}

Breakfast: Steel-cut oats made with skim milk and topped with sliced almonds, fresh blueberries, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and a splash of fat-free half-and-half; a small glass of orange juice or tomato juice; coffee.

Why it’s good: Larson says this hearty dish fuels her through a spin class and a core workout after.

Marjorie Nolan Cohn, MS, RD, CDN, ACSM-HFS, author of „The Belly Fat Fix 

oatmeal

Breakfast:1/2 cup oats cooked with water; 6 ounces plain fat-free Greek yogurt mixed into the cooked oatmeal; 1 tablespoon sunflower seeds or 1/2 tablespoon almond butter; a Granny Smith apple sliced and dipped into the oatmeal with a generous amount of cinnamon mixed in.

Why it’s good: The most important thing about this breakfast, says Cohn, is that it’s filling and supports her active lifestyle. „I’ve been eating it for more than 2 years now,” she says, „and it’s still not old!”

Judy Caplan, MS, RD, author of the „GoBeFull” series 

Hot chocolate

Breakfast: Sweet potato with butter, cinnamon, and cayenne pepper; hot chocolate with raw cacao, almond milk, sweetened with maple syrup.

Why it’s good: Caplan likes this wintertime grub because it’s warm and filling but also loaded with vitamin A and other nutrients.

Ruth Frechman, MA, RDN, CPT, author of „The Food Is My Friend Diet

Breakfast: Oatmeal with unsalted peanuts and a heavy sprinkling of cinnamon for flavor.

Why it’s good: Frechman finds this meal economical because she buys her oats in bulk. The peanuts add a crunchy quality to the smooth texture of the oatmeal. She can easily add variety by tossing in oat bran or substituting prune juice for water.
Joan Salge Blake, MS, RD, LDN, FAND, author of „Nutrition & You

smoothieBreakfast:A blended smoothie of plain nonfat Greek yogurt, 1 teaspoon sugar, 1 teaspoon cocoa, and 1/2 cup frozen strawberries.

Why it’s good: The protein in the yogurt gives you staying power in the morning, says Blake. The cocoa provides delicious, heart-healthy flavanols, and the strawberries provide fiber and sweetness. You can top it with a whole-grain cereal for an added crunch.

Ilene Smith, MS, RD 

Breakfast: One whole-wheat English muffin with natural peanut butter and half a banana.

Why it’s good: „It’s filling and keeps me satiated until lunch,” says Smith, „and it’s delicious!”

Anne Danahy, MS, RD, LDN, CravingSomethingHealthy.com

Breakfast: Steel-cut and old-fashioned oats cooked with 1% milk, mixed with fruit, walnuts, and a scoop of plain Greek yogurt.

Why it’s good: This meal hits all the food groups. The walnuts provide healthy fat; the fruit is a great source of fiber; the milk and Greek yogurt provide protein; and the oats are a whole grain. „It holds me for at least four hours,” says Danahy.

Sharon Salomon, MS, RD 

smoothieBreakfast:A smoothie made with almond milk, powdered peanut butter, Fox’s UBet chocolate syrup, frozen bananas, and frozen strawberries, cherries, or mango.

Why it’s good: Salomon uses almond milk because she’s casein-intolerant. The powdered peanut butter provides protein but is fat-free. „I love that it’s so cold and frosty,” says Solmon, „almost like soft-serve ice cream.”

Colleen Gill, MS, RD, CSO

Breakfast: A cup of oatmeal with some walnuts broken up on top; a cup of tea.

Why it’s good: The extra protein and fat from the walnuts help to keep Gill full for longer than eating cereal alone.

Nancy Clark, MS, RD, CSSD, author of „Nancy Clark’s Sports Nutrition Guide

Breakfast: 1/2 cup uncooked oatmeal, 1/4 cup Grape-Nuts, 1/4 cup granola, 3 chopped dates, and a handful of slivered almonds with a splash milk.

Why it’s good: It’s tasty and combines a mixture of healthy foods.

Maria A. Bella, MS, RD, CDN, author of „The Complete Idiot’s Guide to The Acid Reflux Diet

Breakfast: Gnu foods Fiberlove bar; Fage o% Greek yogurt.

Why it’s good: The Gnu bar is packed with 12 grams of fiber and is only 130 calories. It comes in a variety of flavors, like peanut butter chocolate chip and banana walnut. The yogurt provides protein and calcium.

Georgia Kostas, MPH, RDN, LD, author of „The Cooper Clinic Solution to the Diet Revolution: Step Up to the Plate!

Breakfast: Steel-cut oatmeal with dried cranberries and walnuts, or a blueberry-and-strawberry smoothie made with plain nonfat Greek yogurt and 2% cheese melted on whole-grain toast or a corn tortilla.

Why it’s good: Whether they are dried, fresh, or frozen, berries are important sources of fiber, vitamins A and C, and antioxidants, says Kostas.

Peggy Korody, RD, CLT 

Breakfast: A homemade smoothie made with yogurt or nut butter, almond milk, frozen fruit, such as a banana, cranberries, blueberries, strawberries, or mango, and vegetables, such as kale, spinach, and cucumber.

Why it’s good: Korody likes to hit the gym in the morning and doesn’t want to exercise on a full stomach. She fuels up by drinking half of her smoothie before her fitness routine and finishes the rest post-workout.

Joshh Rager, RDN

Breakfast: 1/2 cup oatmeal mixed with 2 egg whites, 3/4 milk, and a handful of frozen berries. Microwave it for 45 seconds, give it a stir, then microwave it for another 45 seconds.

Why it’s good: You can’t even taste the egg whites, says Rager, but they add protein to a high-fiber dish.

Sara Cowlan, MS, RD, CDN

Eggs on toast

Breakfast:Two eggs on toast and fruit.

Why it’s good: Eggs are high in protein and they’re versatile. To avoid getting bored, Cowlan prepares her eggs in different ways and pairs the dish with different kinds of fruit.

Jan Patenaude, RD, CLT, director of medical nutrition at Oxford Biomedical Technologies

eggs

Breakfast:Scrambled eggs with lots of vegetables, such as onion, garlic, pepper, mushrooms, spinach, tomato, and jalapeno and herbs, like basil, parsley, oregano, and chives, sprinkled on top with cheese; a sautéed white or sweet potato on the side.

Why it’s good: An egg scramble is a great way to use up whatever vegetables you have on hand in a snap.

Nicole V. Brown, MS, RDN, LD, HFS, nutrition director at the National Center for Weight and Wellness

Breakfast: 1 cup Trader Joe’s Maple and Brown Sugar Shredded Wheat with 1 cup fat-free milk; Earl Grey tea with a splash of the fat-free milk.

Why it’s good: The cereal provides 5 grams of fiber and doesn’t have any sodium, says Brown. It’s also quick and inexpensive.

Sandy Nissenberg, MS, RD

Breakfast: Plain Greek yogurt and oatmeal with nuts, fruit, or granola.

Why it’s good: It’s easy to bring to work, says Nissenberg, and fills her up.

Sophia Kamveris, MS, RD, LD

Breakfast: Cage-free egg whites with avocado and low-fat shredded cheese and a dash of turmeric; a slice of artisan whole-grain bread; organic coffee.

Why it’s good: Turmeric adds a peppery flavor to eggs, and Kamveris says she uses the orange spice for its anti-inflammatory properties. Freshly brewed coffee gives her a jump-start for the day ahead.

Karen Ansel, MS, RDN

oatmeal

Breakfast: Rolled oats and low-fat milk, ground flaxseed, and strawberries.

Why it’s good: This is the ultimate power breakfast, says Ansel, thanks to its combination of fiber from the oats, flaxseed, and berries, plus protein and calcium from the milk.

Joy Dubost, RD, CSSD

Breakfast: One-minute oatmeal made with skim milk, topped with blueberries, chopped bananas, and slivers of almonds; or high-fiber cereal with skim milk, topped with blueberries, in addition to a cup of low-fat Greek yogurt; coffee.

Why it’s good: Cereal is easy if you don’t have time to make oatmeal.

Barbara Ann Hughes, PhD, RD, LDN, FADA

french toast

Breakfast:French toast made with whole-grain bread, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, eggs, and skim milk served with chopped fresh, frozen, or canned fruit; or an egg omelet with mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes, low-fat cheese, red, yellow, and green peppers, herbs, and skim milk.

Why it’s good: During the winter, Hughes likes to warm up with a hot breakfast, like eggs or French toast, rather than cold cereal and milk.

Patsy Catsos, MS, RDN, LD, author of „Flavor Without FODMAPs Cookbook

Breakfast: 1/3 cup of quick-cooking oatmeal, a pinch of brown sugar, a tablespoon each of raisins and slivered almonds; black coffee.

Why it’s good: Catsos enjoys this dish because it’s easy to prepare, and filling. She pours boiling hot water over the oats, almonds, and raisins, then pops it in the microwave for 30 seconds.

Victoria Shanta Retelny, RDN, author of „The Essential Guide to Healthy Healing Foods

LatteBreakfast:Chunky peanut butter or almond butter smeared on a whole-grain English muffin with sliced strawberries or bananas; skim latte sprinkled with cinnamon.

Why it’s good: The crunchy peanut butter and fruit make this breakfast the perfect combination of savory and sweet.

Karen Giles-Smith, MS, RDN, owner of At Ease With Eating

oatmeal

Breakfast:Oatmeal made with milk, mixed with a tablespoon of flax meal, and topped with dried cherries and chopped walnuts; coffee with a little whole milk and caramel mixed in.

Why it’s good: „I love it because it tastes so wonderful, is nutrient-rich, and tides me over until lunchtime.”

Elizabeth M. Ward, MS, RD, author of „MyPlate for Moms

Breakfast: A fried egg, cheese, and avocado sandwich on a whole-wheat English muffin.

Why it’s good: This savory sandwich includes healthy fats, dairy, and protein.

Jessica Candell, RDN, CDE

Sweet potatoBreakfast:Sweet-potato hash with bell peppers, onions, egg substitute, and whole-wheat toast.

Why it’s good: Sweet potatoes aren’t just a Thanksgiving food; this root vegetable is rich in fiber, vitamin E, and potassium.

Robert Anding, MS, RD, LD, CDE, CSSD, director of sports nutrition at Texas Children’s Hospital

Breakfast: Trader Joes’s frozen steel-cut oats with walnuts, raisins, and 2 tablespoons freshly ground peanut butter.

Why it’s good: If you have a sweet tooth, this healthy breakfast bowl „tastes like a peanut butter and oatmeal cookie,” says Anding.

Krista Ulatowski, MPH, RD

cereal

Breakfast: Whole-grain breakfast cereal (containing less than 5 grams of sugar per serving) with unsweetened almond milk, berries, and apple chunks or banana slices.

Why it’s good: Cereal is a hassle-free breakfast that doesn’t require any cooking time.

Stephanie Song, MS, RD, CDN

Breakfast: Fruit with hot cereal, such as oat bran, with skim milk, or a small homemade bran muffin.

Why it’s good: Song makes her own muffins so that she can control the portion size and what goes in them. The premade food is great to grab and go.

JoAnne Lichten ‘Dr. Jo,’ PhD, RD

Breakfast: Freshly ground peanut butter on a toasted whole-wheat English muffin, a glass of soy milk, and a clementine or other fruit.

Why it’s good: Lichten lives in Florida but still loves to eat a warm breakfast. The peanut butter helps her to reach her goal of consuming 20 to 30 grams of protein daily, while adding a nice crunch.

Libby Mills, MS, RDN, LDN

green smoothieBreakfast:A smoothie of vegetables, fruit, and low-fat yogurt. Some examples include spinach, kiwi, and low-fat lime yogurt or ginger, beet, cabbage, apple, and low-fat berry yogurt.

Why it’s good: The combinations are endless, says Mills, who puts everything in a blender with a small amount of water. Plus, it’s a refreshingly sweet way to get a couple servings of the recommended 2.5 cups of vegetables, 2 cups of fruit and, 3 cups of dairy we need every day, she says.

Michaela Ballmann, MS, RD, CLT, founder of Wholify

tofuBreakfast:A serving of fruit (usually seasonal from the farmers market, but sometimes blended with kale, Swiss chard, and unsweetened almond milk into a green smoothie) with raw, cubed Organic Super-Firm Tofu sprinkled with kala namak black salt.

Why it’s good: Tofu is a good alternative source of protein and fat for vegans who don’t eat eggs. „The salt,” says Ballmann, „makes the tofu taste like eggs, which is nice for vegans who are used to eating eggs and miss the flavor.”

Lindsay Livingston, RD, founder of The Lean Green Bean

Breakfast: 1/2 cup rolled oats, 1/2 cup milk, 1/4 cup fruit, microwaved for 2 minutes and topped with 1 tablespoon nut butter and a handful of pumpkin seeds.

Why it’s good: The nut butter and seed provide extra protein that keep Livingston full all morning long.

Joey Gochnour, BS, BS, MEd, RDN, LD, NASM-CPT

Breakfast: 1 cup old fashioned oats, 1/4 cup soya granules, 1/3 cup dry milk, 1 serving of frozen mixed berries, cinnamon, curry, salt, cocoa powder, paprika, 1-1.5 handfuls of pumpkin kernels, 1 medium carrot

Why it’s good: This meal packs a generous amount of protein — 35 to 45 grams — which is important for vegetarians likes Gochnour.  

Ginger Cochran, MS, RDN, HFS-ACSM

Breakfast: A hard boiled egg and whole grain toast with raw almond butter and cinnamon.

Why it’s good: Hard boiled eggs are easy to prepare ahead of time. „The cinnamon on the toast also adds a nice little sweetness without using sugar,” says Cochran.

10 Things That Are More Important Than Discipline

Parenting is a very complex task. If we’re not careful, we will become too focused on one aspect and let the others fall by the wayside. Many times, I see parents who are intently focused on discipline, and I’m talking about the traditional use of the word here with regard to modifying behavior. Sometimes we get very caught up in „What do I do when…” or „How do I get my kid to…” and we lose sight of the bigger picture.

The truth is that there are many things that are more important in shaping our children than the methods and techniques we use to modify their behavior.

Here are 10 things that are more important than any method you choose, in no particular order.

Relationship. The relationship that we have with our children is the single biggest influence on them. Our relationship sets an example for how relationships should be throughout the rest of their lives. If we have a healthy relationship based on respect, empathy, and compassion, we have set a standard. They will grow to expect that this is what a relationship looks like and will likely not settle for less. If, however, our relationship is based on control, coercion, and manipulation, well you see where I’m going with this.

In addition to that, our influence comes from a good relationship. Children are more likely to listen to and cooperate with an adult who they are connected to. In other words, if we build trust and open communication when they are small, they will come to us when they are not so small. Our attachment helps wire healthy brains, and our responses set the tone for how they respond to us (they’re little mirrors).

Your lens. When you look at your child, who do you see? Do you see the positives or the negatives? The way you think about them influences the way you treat them. Your thoughts also influence the way you feel emotionally and physically throughout the day. „He is in the terrible twos” will cause you to look for terrible things, to focus on them, and therefore try to correct them…constantly. Try to turn negative thoughts like this into positive thoughts, like, „He is inquisitive and fun!” Try to start seeing misbehavior as a clue that calls for help rather than something that needs squashed immediately. Correction is not needed nearly as often as you might think.

Also watch your tone and language. „Be mindful of the language you use to describe your children. They will come to see themselves through that filter you design.” -Lori Petro, TEACH Through Love. Be careful not to place labels such as „naughty” or „clumsy” on your child. They will come to see themselves the way you see them.

Your relationship with your significant other. Your kids are watching and learning. The way you and your partner treat each other again sets a standard. Happy parents make happy kids. Read How Your Marriage Affects Your Kids.

The foundation of a happy family is a strong, loving relationship between the two of you. The single, most important thing that you can do for your children is to do everything in your power to have the best possible relationship with your spouse. If they see the two of you getting along and supporting each other, they will mirror you and will likely get along with each other and their friends. Every single ounce of energy that you put into your relationship will come back to you tenfold through your children.

The atmosphere of your home. All of the things mentioned above come together to create the atmosphere in your home. If you have loving and connected relationships, you likely have a warm atmosphere in your home. If there is discord between you and your spouse, or you and your child, or your child and your other child, then the overall atmosphere will suffer. Have you ever gone to someone’s home and could just feel a negative atmosphere? You want your home to be a haven, a safe, warm, inviting, and loving place for all family members. Dorothy Parker said, „The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant–and let the air out of the tires.” You don’t have to let the air out until they’re 16 though. 😉

How you relate to others. How do you treat the bank teller, the store clerk, the telemarketer? What about your parents and your in-laws? They are watching your example. “Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.” -Albert Einstein

Community. Are you involved in your community. Aside from setting an example, there are valuable lessons to be learned from volunteering, supporting a local cause, attending church, or donating items. Seeing a bigger picture, how their acts can influence many lives, will give them a sense of responsibility and reinforce good values.

School. Whether you choose private school, public school, homeschooling, or unschooling, your choice will have an impact on your child. Choose with care. Peers have a big influence on children, but if our relationship is where it should be, our influence will still be stronger.

Your cup. How full is it? You have to take care of you so you can take care of them. If your cup is full, you are more patient, more empathetic, and have more energy. Not only that, but a child who sees his parents respect themselves learns to have self-respect. Put yourself back on your list.

Media. Television. Video games. Social media. They are always sending messages to your kids. Now, I let my kids watch TV and play computer games, so I’m not taking a big anti-media stance here, but just be aware of what your kids are getting from what they’re watching. My son said something out of character for him a while back that came directly from a cartoon character. I knew where he’d gotten it and we had a talk about the differences between cartoon land and the real world. I’m just glad they don’t have a Facebook account yet!

Basic needs. Adequate nutrition, sleep, and exercise are not only essential for the well-being of your child but also influence behavior. Dr. Sears addresses nutrition here. Also read this article, Sleep Better for Better Behavior. Finally, Exercise helps children learn to focus their attention, limit anger outburst and improve motor skills. Read more about that here.

“If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later. I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less. I would do less correcting and more connecting. I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I’d take more hikes and fly more kites. I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I’d do more hugging and less tugging.“ – Diane Loomans

source: https://www.positive-parents.org/2011/07/10-things-that-are-more-important-than.html

7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders

While I spend my professional time now as a career success coach, writer, and leadership trainer, I was a marriage and family therapist in my past, and worked for several years with couples, families, and children. Through that experience, I witnessed a very wide array of both functional and dysfunctional parenting behaviors. As a parent myself, I’ve learned that all the wisdom and love in the world doesn’t necessarily protect you from parenting in ways that hold your children back from thriving, gaining independence and becoming the leaders they have the potential to be.

I was intrigued, then, to catch up with leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore and learn more about how we as parents are failing our children today — coddling and crippling them — and keeping them from becoming leaders they are destined to be. Tim is a best-selling author of more than 25 books, including Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future, Artificial Maturity: Helping Kids Meet the Challenges of Becoming Authentic Adults, and the Habitudes® series. He is Founder and President of Growing Leaders, an organization dedicated to mentoring today’s young people to become the leaders of tomorrow.

Tim had this to share about the 7 damaging parenting behaviors that keep children from becoming leaders – of their own lives and of the world’s enterprises:

1. We don’t let our children experience risk

We live in a world that warns us of danger at every turn. The “safety first” preoccupation enforces our fear of losing our kids, so we do everything we can to protect them. It’s our job after all, but we have insulated them from healthy risk-taking behavior and it’s had an adverse effect. Psychologists in Europe have discovered that if a child doesn’t play outside and is never allowed to experience a skinned knee, they frequently have phobias as adults. Kids need to fall a few times to learn it’s normal; teens likely need to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend to appreciate the emotional maturity that lasting relationships require. If parents remove risk from children’s lives, we will likely experience high arrogance and low self-esteem in our growing leaders.

2. We rescue too quickly

Today’s generation of young people has not developed some of the life skills kids did 30 years ago because adults swoop in and take care of problems for them. When we rescue too quickly and over-indulge our children with “assistance,” we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve problems on their own. It’s parenting for the short-term and it sorely misses the point of leadership—to equip our young people to do it without help. Sooner or later, kids get used to someone rescuing them: “If I fail or fall short, an adult will smooth things over and remove any consequences for my misconduct.” When in reality, this isn’t even remotely close to how the world works, and therefore it disables our kids from becoming competent adults.

3. We rave too easily

The self-esteem movement has been around since Baby Boomers were kids, but it took root in our school systems in the 1980s. Attend a little league baseball game and you’ll see that everyone is a winner. This “everyone gets a trophy” mentality might make our kids feel special, but research is now indicating this method has unintended consequences. Kids eventually observe that Mom and Dad are the only ones who think they’re awesome when no one else is saying it. They begin to doubt the objectivity of their parents; it feels good in the moment, but it’s not connected to reality. When we rave too easily and disregard poor behavior, children eventually learn to cheat, exaggerate and lie and to avoid difficult reality. They have not been conditioned to face it.

4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well

Your child does not have to love you every minute. Your kids will get over the disappointment, but they won’t get over the effects of being spoiled. So tell them “no” or “not now,” and let them fight for what they really value and need. As parents, we tend to give them what they want when rewarding our children, especially with multiple kids. When one does well in something, we feel it’s unfair to praise and reward that one and not the other. This is unrealistic and misses an opportunity to enforce the point to our kids that success is dependent upon our own actions and good deeds. Be careful not to teach them a good grade is rewarded by a trip to the mall. If your relationship is based on material rewards, kids will experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.

5. We don’t share our past mistakes

Healthy teens are going to want to spread their wings and they’ll need to try things on their own. We as adults must let them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help them navigate these waters. Share with them the relevant mistakes you made when you were their age in a way that helps them learn to make good choices. (Avoid negative “lessons learned” having to do with smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.) Also, kids must prepare to encounter slip-ups and face the consequences of their decisions. Share how you felt when you faced a similar experience, what drove your actions, and the resulting lessons learned. Because we’re not the only influence on our kids, we must be the best influence.

6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity

Intelligence is often used as a measurement of a child’s maturity, and as a result parents assume an intelligent child is ready for the world. That’s not the case. Some professional athletes and Hollywood starlets, for example, possess unimaginable talent, but still get caught in a public scandal. Just because giftedness is present in one aspect of a child’s life, don’t assume it pervades all areas. There is no magic “age of responsibility” or a proven guide as to when a child should be given specific freedoms, but a good rule of thumb is to observe other children the same age as yours. If you notice that they are doing more themselves than your child does, you may be delaying your child’s independence.

7. We don’t practice what we preach

As parents, it is our responsibility to model the life we want our children to live. To help them lead a life of character and become dependable and accountable for their words and actions. As the leaders of our homes, we can start by only speaking honest words – white lies will surface and slowly erode character. Watch yourself in the little ethical choices that others might notice, because your kids will notice too. If you don’t cut corners, for example, they will know it’s not acceptable for them to either. Show your kids what it means to give selflessly and joyfully by volunteering for a service project or with a community group. Leave people and places better than you found them, and your kids will take note and do the same.

Why do parents engage in these behaviors (what are they afraid of if they don’t)? Do these behaviors come from fear or from poor understanding of what strong parenting (with good boundaries) is?

Tim shares:

“I think both fear and lack of understanding play a role here, but it leads with the fact that each generation of parents is usually compensating for something the previous generation did. The primary adults in kids’ lives today have focused on now rather than later. It’s about their happiness today not their readiness tomorrow. I suspect it’s a reaction. Many parents today had Moms and Dads who were all about getting ready for tomorrow: saving money, not spending it, and getting ready for retirement. In response, many of us bought into the message: embrace the moment. You deserve it. Enjoy today. And we did. For many, it resulted in credit card debt and the inability to delay gratification. This may be the crux of our challenge. The truth is, parents who are able to focus on tomorrow, not just today, produce better results.”

How can parents move away from these negative behaviors (without having to hire a family therapist to help)?

Tim says: “It’s important for parents to become exceedingly self-aware of their words and actions when interacting with their children, or with others when their children are nearby. Care enough to train them, not merely treat them to a good life. Coach them, more than coddle. “

Here’s a start:

1. Talk over the issues you wish you would’ve known about adulthood.
2. Allow them to attempt things that stretch them and even let them fail.
3. Discuss future consequences if they fail to master certain disciplines.
4. Aid them in matching their strengths to real-world problems.
5. Furnish projects that require patience, so they learn to delay gratification.
6. Teach them that life is about choices and trade-offs; they can’t do everything.
7. Initiate (or simulate) adult tasks like paying bills or making business deals.
8. Introduce them to potential mentors from your network.
9. Help them envision a fulfilling future, and then discuss the steps to get there.
10. Celebrate progress they make toward autonomy and responsibility.

How are you parenting your children? Are you sacrificing their long-term growth for short-term comfort?

source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2014/01/16/7-crippling-parenting-behaviors-that-keep-children-from-growing-into-leaders/

The Real Reasons Toddlers Push Limits

Limit-pushing behavior can confound even the most attuned parent or caregiver. Why would our sweet darling throw her toy at us when we’ve just asked her not to, and then add insult to injury by smirking? Is she evil? Does she have a pressing need to practice throwing skills? Maybe she just hates us… 

Sensitive, intensely emotional, and severely lacking in impulse control, toddlers often have “unusual” ways of expressing their needs and feelings. If it’s any consolation, these behaviors don’t make sense to our children either. The simple explanation is the unfortunate combination of an immature prefrontal cortex and the turbulent emotions of toddlerhood. More simply: children are easily overwhelmed by impulses bigger and stronger than they are.

In other words, your child very likely understood that you didn’t want her to hit you or her friends, siblings and pets, dump her food or water onto the floor, whine, scream and call you “stupid”, but her impulses made a different choice. And though she smirks, this isn’t out of ill will.

Rule #1: never, ever take a child’s limit-pushing behavior personally. Our children love, appreciate, and need us more than they can ever say. Remind yourself of these truths multiple times daily until you’ve internalized them, because a healthy perspective on limit-pushing is a crucial starting point. Respecting children means understanding their stage of development, not reacting to their age-appropriate behavior as if they are our peers.

Here are the most common reasons young children push limits:

1. SOS, I can’t function

Young children seem to be the last people on earth to register their own fatigue or hunger. They seem programmed to push on, and sometimes their bodies will take possession of their minds and transmit SOS messages to us through attention-getting behavior.

When I think about my own children’s limit-pushing behavior, the examples that immediately come to mind are about fatigue…

There was the day at RIE class when my toddler son (who has always seemed to have social savvy) suddenly started hitting and pushing.  Aha. He’s tired and has had enough of this, I realized. I let him know I heard him and that we’d be leaving: “I don’t want you to hit. I think you’re letting me know you’re tired and ready to go home, right?” But then I got involved in a discussion with one of the other parents and forgot for a moment and, no surprise, he hit again. Oops. Totally my fault. “Sorry, B, I told you we would leave and then started talking. Thanks for reminding me we need to go.”

Then there was the family trip when one of my daughters, age four at the time, uncharacteristically spoke rudely to my mother. Taken aback for a moment (how could she?) but determined to remain calm, I intervened: “I can’t let you talk to Grandma that way….we’re going to go.” I ushered her out of the room screaming (my daughter was the one screaming, although I wanted to). As I carried her to a private space where she could meltdown with me safely, it hit me… We’d been traveling for six or seven hours. Of course she’s exhausted and just letting me know in her four year old way. Duh. My fault again.

I cannot count the number of times my children’s behavior has hit the skids because they were suddenly overtaken by hunger just twenty minutes after they’d been offered food. And their inevitable responses — “I wasn’t hungry then” — always seemed so unfair. Apparently all is fair when it comes to love, war and toddlers.

2. Clarity, please

Children will often push our limits simply because they haven’t received a straight answer to the question, “What will you do if I do such-in-such?” And then they might need to know, “Will it be different on Monday afternoons? What about when you’re tired? Or I’m cranky? If I get upset will you do something different?”

So by continuing to push limits toddlers are only doing their job, which is to learn about our leadership (and our love), clarify our expectations and house rules, understand where their power lies. Our job is to answer as calmly and directly as possible. Our responses will obviously vary from situation to situation, but they should consistently demonstrate that we’re totally unthreatened by their behavior, that we can handle it, that it’s no big deal at all.

3. What’s all the fuss about?  

When parents lose their cool, lecture, over-direct, or even talk about limit-pushing behaviors a bit too much, they can create interesting little dramas which children are compelled to re-enact. Punishments and emotional responses create stories that are frightening, alarming, shaming, guilt-inducing or any combination.

When parents say more than a sentence or two about the limit-pushing behavior, even while remaining calm, they risk creating a tale about a child with a problem (perhaps he hugs his baby sister too forcefully) which then causes the child to identify with this as his story and problem, when it was just an impulsive, momentary behavior he tried out a couple of times.

For instance, counter to the example I shared about my daughter speaking rudely to Grandma, which for me clearly indicated that she was out-of-herself and unraveling, my response would be far more minimal if a spark of rudeness was directed at me. Rather than react and risk creating a story around occasional whining, screaming, “you’re stupid”, “I hate you”, etc., I would dis-empower those behaviors by allowing them to rolllll off my back. Perhaps I’d acknowledge, “I hear how angry you are about leaving the park. That really disappointed you.” (Always, always, always encourage your child to express these feelings.) Again, testing us with these behaviors from time to time is age-appropriate, and if we react we may encourage this to continue.

Sometimes children will smile when they know they are re-enacting a story, but this is usually an uneasy, tentative smile rather than one of happiness.

4. Do I have capable leaders?

Imagine how disconcerting it is to be two, three or four years old and not be certain we have a stable leader. The most effective leaders lead with confidence, keep their sense of humor and make it look easy. This takes practice, but not to worry, children will give us plenty of “chances” through their limit-pushing behavior until we get this right.

As Magda Gerber advises in Dear Parent – Caring for Infants With Respect: “Know what’s important, both for you and for the child. If you are not clear, the child’s opposition will persist, which will make you, the parent, even angrier. This is turn highlights the conflict that exists already, leading to an unhappy situation combining anger, guilt, and fear. A child has a difficult time growing up with ambivalent parents.”

5. I’ve got a feeling

Children wil sometimes persistently push limits when they have internalized feelings and stress that they need to release. Trusting this invaluable process and calmly, but firmly holding the limits for our child while welcoming his or her feelings is the quickest and healthiest way to ease this need for limit-pushing. (For details and an example, please read The Healing Power of a Toddler’s Tantrum).  Maintaining an “all feelings allowed” attitude will nip most limit-pushing behaviors in the bud.

6. The sincerest form of flattery (sort of)

Children are sensitive and impressionable, and we are their most influential models, so they will absorb our behavior and reflect it through theirs. For example, if we snatch toys away from our child, she may persistently snatch from friends. A child is likely to behave more erratically whenever her parents are upset or stressed about anything, especially if her parents haven’t openly shared these feelings.

7. Seems the best way to get your attention these days

If the comfort and validation of our attention has been in short supply, or if there have been compelling mini-stories and dramas created around our child’s limit-pushing behavior, she might end up repeating them to seek this negative attention.

8. Have you told me that you love me lately?

When children feel ignored or even just a bit out of favor with us it rattles them, and fear shows up in their limit-pushing behavior. Reassuring hugs, kisses and “I love you” will certainly help to mend these bridges, but the messages of love that matter most are heard  through our patience, empathy, acceptance, respectful leadership, and the genuine interest we take in knowing our child.

To love toddlers is to know them.

 

source: https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/10/the-real-reasons-toddlers-push-limits/

11 Things I Wish Every Parent Knew

After 25 years practicing pediatrics, and caring for thousands of children, I’ve noticed some patterns that offer me a deeper vision of health. Here are some of those invaluable lessons:

1. Growth and development are not a race. 

These days we’re in such a rush to grow up. In our mechanized, post-industrialized world of speed and efficiency, we’ve forgotten that life is a process of ripening. To get good fruit, you need to nourish strong roots. Pay attention to the ground that supports your child’s life: Go for a walk with your child, eat with your child, play together, tell him a story about your experience as a child.
 
2. Creating family traditions encourages strong roots and a healthy life. 
This takes time and practice. Personal traditions are sacred because they promote exchanges that strengthen bonds of love and intimacy and build the kind of confidence that will carry your child through this world.

3. We grow in cycles. 

There is a rhythm and pulse to each child’s life – sometimes fast and intense, sometimes slow and quiet. Just as each spring brings a renewed sense of appreciation for life, each stage of a child’s life is a time of new discovery and wonder. After all, learning is not just a process of accruing information. It’s the process of transforming our ideas, and sometimes this requires forgetting in order to see with fresh eyes. Some children will take a step backward before making a giant leap forward.
Growing in cycles means that we don’t get just one chance to learn something. The same lesson will offer itself up to us again and again as we pass through the seasons of our life. There is deep forgiveness in this way of understanding childhood, which I find takes the pressure off parents to “get it right” the first time.

4. Encouragement is not the same as indulgence.

We are not in the business of raising little kings and queens. Kings don’t do well in our society. Recent studies have shown that indulgence actually weakens your child’s powers to survive, deflating motivation and diminishing feelings of success.
Encouragement means putting courage in your child, not doing things for him. Create a supportive context that will open up a path without pushing your child down it. Unconditional love is the scaffolding that encourages your child to take chances, to experiment, and to fail without judgment. Sometimes being an encouraging presence in your child’s life means standing a little off in the background, there to offer a compassionate hand when circumstances call for it, but trusting in his innate ingenuity.
There is spaciousness in encouragement. Indulgence, on the other hand, limits freedom by inflating a child’s sense of entitlement and reducing the patience needed to work through obstacles when he doesn’t instantly get his way. Indulgence leads to small-minded thinking.

5. Pushing your buttons is a spiritual practice, and children are our spiritual teachers.

You don’t need an expensive spiritual retreat to become enlightened. Your little sage-teacher is right in front of you, offering you true wisdom free of charge!
Children watch our every move when they’re little, studying our inconsistencies as they try to figure out this crazy world. And they will call you on it. When a child pushes your buttons, remember: they are your buttons, not hers. Take the time to listen to what your child is trying to teach you. One of the secrets of parenthood is our willingness to transform ourselves out of love for our child. When you’re willing to look at your buttons, you open up a deeper self-awareness that is transformative for both you and your child.

6. A symptom is the body’s way of letting us know something has to change.

Good medicine asks what is the symptom trying to accomplish? rather than simply suppressing it. Our body has its own intelligence and yet so much of pharmaceutical advertising tries to convince us that there is something wrong with feeling symptoms. Much of my medical training was focused on stopping symptoms as if they were the problem. (This is like telling the body to shut up. It’s rude!) We don’t trust the body’s intelligence. We think too much and tend to be afraid of feelings in our body.
But children have taught me that a symptom like fever is actually not the problem. Whatever is causing the fever may be a problem, but the temperature is simply the body’s way of trying to deal with what’s happening.
Take, for example, the child with a fever. What other symptoms does the child have? If he is playful, you may not need to suppress the fever. It means the body is trying to make metabolic heat to mobilize the immune system. To help it do this, you can give warm (not cold) fluids so it doesn’t dry out and nourishing foods like soups to fuel the fire.

7. Be prepared. 

The one phrase from the Eagle Scout motto that stuck with me since I was a boy was Be prepared. This is a state of readiness that can be fueled by confidence or fear.
These days I practice what I call “preparatory medicine” rather than preventive medicine, so that getting sick is not seen as a failure. Being healthy does not mean never getting sick. Life is a journey of ups and downs and the growing child lives in a constant state of flux. A resilient immune system is one that learns how to get sick and get better. Living too clean a life robs us of the information necessary to be fully prepared to recover.
Rather than living in fear of illness, there are natural ways we can support our children to recovery from illness quickly and efficiently: good nutrition, hydration, probiotics, rest and exercise. But the most important? Rather than focusing on how often your child gets sick, celebrate how often she gets better.
 
8. Healing takes time. 
The most alternative medicine I practice these days is taking time. As a society, we’re addicted to quick fixes because we have no time to be sick anymore. As a doctor, I was trained as a kind of glorified fireman, looking to put out emergencies quickly and efficiently.
In emergencies, strong medicine is often necessary to save lives but most health problems in childhood are not emergencies. In those instances it takes more than strong medicine to get better; it takes time. I realize that taking another day off from work because a child has been sent home from school with a runny nose can add real stress to our already stressful lives. But children have taught me that healing is a kind of developmental process that has its own stages too.
When we don’t take time to recover, we rob our children of the necessary stages they need to learn from if they are to develop long-lasting health. When we take time to recover, illness becomes a journey of discovery, not just a destination; we begin to see our health and illness as two sides of the same coin.

9. The secret of life is letting go. 

Life is a process of constantly giving way. Things pushed past their prime transform into something else. Just as spring gives way to summer, so is each stage of development a process of letting go. Crawling gives way to walking. Babbling gives way to speaking. Childhood gives way to adolescence. By breathing in, you breathe out. By eating, you poop.
Each season, each stage, each little rhythm of our life is a matter of letting go. This allows us to get rid of what we don’t need to make room in our lives for new information. Learning to let go is not always easy and each child has his own adaptive style and timing. Nature favors diversity. Remember to honor your child’s unique nature. This is what my book Fire Child Water Child is all about.
Perhaps the most important way children teach me how to let go is in the way they play. Playing means letting go of our inhibitions; it frees us up and allows us not to take ourselves too seriously.

10. Trust yourself: You’re the expert on your child. 

One of the most important things I teach new parents is how to trust themselves. Nowhere is this more daunting than when a new baby comes into our life. We’re expected to know everything and yet we feel like we know nothing. But children have taught me that this knowing-nothing can be a real opportunity to open our powers of intuition.
Mindful parenting begins by listening with an open heart to your child’s life without fear or panic. Studies have shown that a mother’s intuition is more powerful than any lab test in picking up problems. Unfortunately today we are flooded with so much scary information that it interferes with our ability to listen to our own intuition. (Just think of the arrogance of a doctor who acts like he knows your child better than you do!)
Take a tip from your baby. Look into your baby’s eyes. Imagine what it feels like to be conscious of the world before you have language, before all those labels that scare us and divide things into good and bad, right and wrong. Babies have no enemies. This is seeing from the source. It is what Zen Buddhists call “beginner’s mind.” Watch closely how your baby breathes with his belly. This is Qigong breathing. Stop thinking for a moment and try breathing this way. You may just find the answers you need waiting for you there.

11. Take the long view. (Because it’s easy to get caught in the immediacy of a problem, especially at 2am.)

Having watched thousands of children grow into adulthood, what sometimes seems like a big deal at four-months old or 14-years old may be no more than a small bump in the road. Children have taught me how to take the long view of life. When we step back and see the big picture of our lives, we discover wisdom and compassion.
{jb_info}About the Author{/jb_info}

Stephen Cowan, MD, FAAP is a board-certified pediatrician with 25 years of clinical experience working with children. He has a subspecialty in Developmental Pediatrics and is New York State Certified in Medical Acupuncture. He is a fellow in the American Academy of Pediatrics, a member of the AAP Committee on Children with Disabilities and a member of the American Academy of Medical Acupuncture. He is founder of The Westchester Center for Holistic Families where he offers holistic evaluation and treatments for children. He also sees patients at the Shen Center in NYC. He has lectured internationally on alternative approaches to health problems in children. He is the author of Fire Child Water Child and has contributed chapters to several books about holistic approaches to childhood conditions. He specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of pediatric problems such as Attention Deficit Disorder, Autistic Spectrum Disorders, Migraine, Tourette’s syndrome, Asthma and Allergies. Understanding the child as an inter-related part of family and environment is the central focus of his practice. This approach respects the inseparability of mind, body and spirit and promotes a deeper understanding of what it means to be healthy. For appointments: email drstephencowan@gmail.com or call: 914-864-1976

sursa: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-10250/11-things-i-wish-every-parent-knew.html